I have been uhming and ahing for some time about whether to write this blog post. Most people who have read this blog for several years will have read my ramblings about being single and without children. To a certain extent it was all very well writing about those things whilst I was single, because they were (generally) just about me. Of course, now I am married I not only have to think about what I write affecting me, but also how it affects my lovely husband. So, when I was thinking about writing on here a bit about how I was feeling I asked The Mister what he thought of the idea. I asked him not because I want permission, but because I love him and don’t want to say anything that would embarrass or upset him. He didn’t have too much of a problem… as long as I didn’t say anything too personal!

Anyway, back to the subject in hand. Over the years I have been very honest about the things I want. I wanted to meet someone wonderful and get married and I want to have children. I have been very lucky to achieve the first one, now I would really like the second one! I never expected it would be such an emotional journey though. It’s not like I expected to be able to conceive immediately, and yet when it doesn’t happen it is really hard to deal with. The hardest bit is knowing people who seem to manage it really easily, and now have gorgeous children. My heart breaks when I see them, and it is hard to keep that resentment at bay. The fear that it might not happen to us is overwhelming and I am scared that I will never get to have the children I have longed for for so many years. I think we will be good parents and I am frightened that we won’t get the chance to have those experiences. Of course this whole issue is made even more difficult that my younger sister is pregnant for the second time. Once again she gets to do things twice before I even get to do it once!

I guess if someone could say to me, “in 3/6/12 months you will be pregnant” then I would be able to relax. It’s the not knowing that is so difficult to deal with. I hope it will happen, but who knows. Generally, all the things I have wanted most in the world I have had to wait for. If one more person says, “oh it will happen to you at the right time”, I am likely to punch them in the face. Nobody knows. Quite simply that is the fact of the matter and that really sucks.

10 thoughts on “Waiting

  1. Oh lovey, you know I’ve been there. It’s so hard. People will say well-meaning but unhelpful things like ‘it will happen at the right time’ but also downright bloody offensive things (‘you career women leaving it too late’ – yeah, right, we all *chose* not to marry till we were 30 plus and had found someone we were confident we could commit to; apparently we were supposed to get ourselves pregnant by whoever was around when we were 20 so we could become one of those Scrounging Single Mums Who Are Bringing Society To Its Knees.) [rant mode deactivated, but I find a good rant helpful now and then!]

    I know it’s a big step to come out and talk about it publicly. Massive hugs and babydust (bleeearghh!) to you. I’m here if you want to chat/let off steam.

  2. NB I hope the capitalisation conveys that the comment about single mothers is not the opinion of the author but an impersonation of the strange world of the Daily Mail comments board 😀

  3. I strongly suspect that the ‘it will happen at the right time’ comments are due to people’s re-editing of their own memories. It’s rare that you’ll meet someone who will say, ‘yeah I’m glad I’ve got my kids but boy, I wish it had happened at a different time’. Because once they’re there, it would almost feel like saying that would be like wishing you had different kids.

    I think that’s where it comes from. That, and wanting to say something vaguely positive but not really knowing how.

  4. I realised a while after posting that comment that I’d written the conclusion of my pondering but not what I was actually pondering on, which was, why do people say things like ‘it will happen at the right time’ when that is demonstrably untrue in some cases.

    I case you were wondering. 🙂

  5. Hi there – I don’t know how it feels the way you feel now so I won’t pretend I do, as I will probably never have children (and I’m not sure whether I want any, to be honest), but I hope it’s ok if I point you to this link of a health organisation that helped friends of mine get pregnant, who were struggling to conceive: http://www.foresight-preconception.org.uk/

    Anyway, I’ll shut up there and send hugs your way. xx

  6. That organisation appears to be anti-vaccination. Even including a page about the FALSE “link” between vaccines and autism.

    and :hugs: to Auntie Doris

  7. I just found your blog and I’m gonna be one of those annoying people that offer advise instead of just saying “I’m so sorry. It’ll happen one day!”

    Did you take BC before you were married? If so: how long have you been off the birth control? My OB/GYN keeps telling me that David and I need to start using condoms and stop relying on The Pill now if we want to conceive next year. We don’t actually *want* to conceive right now, but my doctor’s point is that after years of hormones bombarding your body, and I’ve been on them for twelve years now, so it’ll take at least six months before they’re completely out of my system.

    TL;DR version: if you were on hormonal birth control, it might take six months to be fertile again.

    Also, try to keep in mind that (at least in the US) a doctor won’t even consider someone your age as having conception problems until you and Paul have been trying for at least one year.

    Best of luck to you and Paul! It will happen! I know it will! You and Paul were meant to be parents!

  8. Hello hon… thanks for stopping by. I was on BC for about a year before we got married. All this considered that wasn’t a very long time. Guess we have to do all the right things and then wait and see what happens. xxx

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