Trying to conceive is officially the most disappointing and the saddest thing I have ever done. What should be joyful is bloody hard work at time.
I never expected things to be straightforward but I always hoped. Somehow having to know my cycle intimately, knowing when I am ovulating, checking cervical mucus, taking my temperature every morning, using ovulation tests seems to take all the fun out of trying to get pregnant.
Every month I hope and hope that this has been the month that everything has worked.
Every month I am disappointed.
Every month is like a bereavement. Grieving for the things I have hoped for. Grieving for the things that I don’t have, and don’t know if I will ever obtain.
One day I hope it will work. If it doesn’t I don’t know what I am going to do. If I can’t be a mother I am not sure what my life will look like.