Dear God

Dear God,

Can you hear me?
Are you there?

I just want to remind you that it is my birthday tomorrow. You must have forgotten or maybe you weren’t listening. I have asked you nicely for one present this year – you could even give it to me as my Christmas present as well if it is too expensive.

I guess I believed all that stuff that you have spouted in the past about ‘fulfilling promises’ and ‘hopes and dreams’ and stuff like that. If that’s true then why am I not pregnant yet? I would forgo all my presents and everything else if I could just get pregnant – yes even my Christmas Kindle that I know The Mister has bought me.

The other option is that you actually don’t care. You don’t love me and you don’t want to give me good things. It’s a bit like giving a really brilliant present, the best ever, to my sister, but not getting me one too. It just doesn’t feel very fair does it?

Well, I hope you got this. You feel a little bit like Father Christmas sometimes – I know the legend but don’t believe you exist any more.

Love AD x

14 thoughts on “Dear God

  1. Arse, I knew I should’ve looked at the calender to check the date. I have your card sat on the sofa here, so it might be a little late, sorry!!

  2. I think God only got one woman pregnant.

    If you have a child you could be a mother for the next 60+ years. Of that time you’ll only have a baby for about a year. Then you’ll have a tantrumy toddler, a reasonable pleasant child, a stroppy teenager from the age of about 9 to 19, a young adult to support through college or unemployment, an older adult with their own family problems at the same time as you are having to cope with the elderly generation above you, and finally your “baby” will be an old age pensioner.

    Set in that context, have you been waiting all that long?

  3. Yes. I waited for over 10 years to find The Mister to start with. I am 36 today. Who knows how much time I actually have to conceive left? It might be ages, it might not.

    It really winds me up when people point out the rubbish bits about being a parent… like I don’t know that. However, I don’t know of any parent who would trade having a child for not having a child on the basis that they are really irritating sometimes.

    A baby is the start, not the end. I am not sure why you try to make out my wanting a child to be such a negative thing Agatha.

  4. Despite the above – and you’re right to be p****d off – Diane and I wish you a very happy birthday. You bring a lot of love into the world and if the womb thingie doesn’t work out for you, you are definitely not a waste of space! (I know you didn’t say you were but it can sometimes come with the territory) Hang in there for better days Doris.

  5. OOps – I didn’t realise they would publish my pic too! I meant popped off (er 1, 2, 3, yeah that should work!)

  6. I think you’ll find its you that’s making it a negative thing. And I don’t think you can count the 10 years before you started trying. I didn’t say those things were negative, just that there is lot of motherhood awaiting you compared to 15 months.

  7. I apologise – difficult day. 25 years ago I wanted a baby. He’s now 23 and I will be living with his learning difficulties until one of us dies. I won’t go into his issues but they are rather more than “irritating”.

    I hope you get what you want and all goes well for you, if not this month then in 2012.

  8. I do understand that we don’t always get exactly what we want but it doesn’t stop me from wanting it. And I DO count the 10 years before – desiring something for so long does make a difference.

  9. merry christmas, auntie doris. I pray that you get ALL that you want this year and that you will be comforted in all else. much love to you. x

  10. and just a quick mention that i adopted an 18 mo old little girl 4 years ago now. I will not go into her story here, because it is hers and not mine to post publicly, but i now will have a life time of things that i had never thought of and difficulties that i had never wanted.

    and i love her more than any other creature on the face of this earth. and it is completely worth it.

    God’s blessings this christmas to every person who has ever wanted something and to every person who has wanted something and received something different than the original want. may He help us to find comfort and joy. x

  11. As much as I can understand your pain at the moment please try to remember that it is not a woman’s “right” to bear a child. I honestly hope that you and your husband are blessed with children at some point soon, but please try not to become completely fixated on it. The stress of doing so will in itself not help you to conceive. I know plenty of women who have had their first child in their 40s after years of not succeeding. Then when they decided enough was enough along came a baby.

    The best thing you can do at the moment is try to get yourself in the best physical shape you can. Good diet, cut alcohol right back, plenty of exercise and minimise stress as much as possible. Also make the most of having fun with your husband – this will be stressful for him too.

    Good luck with it all. I really do wish you every success with this.

  12. Continued prayers for you both – but don’t blame God – in my experience stuff happens – or not – and all I think we are promised is God with us. (Speaking as someone childless, husbandless, armless, life-full, love-full, grateful).

  13. I *think* the theology of it is something around God suffering (in the form of Jesus and the crucifixion) so we can relate to God/God to us in our suffering. Or something around that.

    I suspect that knowing that God suffered possibly doesn’t actually help you though!

    For me it really helps that I don’t have a view of God as an old white man with a long white beard who pulls strings and makes things happen in the world. But I can see that if that’s a worldview one has or has had then prayers unfulfilled do rather make one see God as a makebelieve story.

    Kisses as always. Your pain is so raw, I do pray (for what that’s worth) that joy will come.

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