Auntie Knows Best

I got the job!! I thought I had done an OK interview but I wasn’t sure whether I would get it or not. They originally told me that they would let me know today but the decision was made by 4ish yesterday so they phoned me then. Not sure when I am going to start as they have to take up references and get the CRB check done but at least I can go off on honeymoon knowing that I have something to come back to.

*Big happy dance!!*

WARNING – THIS IS A VERY LONG POST!!!!!

This week has been a very strange one in the grand scheme of things. It has been a week of “lasts” and goodbyes.

It was my last Sunday at St Marks in Colney Heath, my last church small group (a group which is called “Bernard” and when I asked why the response was “because it is a good name”. We had a curry on that evening and they presented me with a gift of spices and things for curry and a rice cooker. My last Pilates class, some of which I have been in class with for over 5 years.

Most importantly though today was my last day at work. Since 17 September 2001 I have been employed as a Specialist Social Worker at an NHS Trust in a Community Drug and Alcohol Team. I had made huge efforts to keep myself busy all week, finishing off with clients, writing up their notes, handing them over to their new key worker with prescriptions completed up to the end of March, and generally making sure they will be ok. Today however was officially my last day and I had done all that I needed to do. My work was complete and I went on a long round of goodbyes to people I worked with. I described this as feeling like Cher’s World Farewell Tour – it seemed never ending.

I am not sure how I feel about leaving. In some way I feel relieved. The job was getting more paperwork and statistics driven and it was becoming very political. My time with my clients and the way I was able to work with them was being squeezed and I was not able to be as creative as a liked. I wanted the chance to be able to work with people in whatever was was successful to their ongoing recovery, but that wasn’t possible as things were statistics driven. My frustrations were mirrored by my clients, and it was only by working overtime to do the paperwork that I was able to fit in any time with them at all. I used to deliver substance misuse training to child protection and health professionals, but that stopped about 18 months ago. I felt de-skilled and demoralised and yet, in many ways, I loved my job.

My clients could be absolute pains in the backside. They were often difficult and challenging, but also they were resilient, funny and honest. Their lives regularly put any Eastenders storyline to shame and if their histories had been written down people would have accused them of embellishing the stories. However, what I have realised over the last couple of weeks is that many of these clients have such a hard time attaching to and relating to people and the loss of a drug worker who may have worked with them for years cannot be underestimated. I did laugh though, when one client who has really put me through my paces over the years, describing me as “A fucking pain in the arse” told me that I was the best drug worker she ever had. I gently reminded her that she very eloquently told me in August last year that she hated me and never wanted to see me again. At this she laughed, and said “yeah, but you were one of the few people who didn’t disappear when I spoke to you like that. I knew I was out of order, but I knew that you would always look out for me and be honest with me.”… and then she laughed again and said “I still think you are a fucking pain in the arse”. That comment, followed by a genuine hug meant more to me than completing any set of statistics.

My colleagues could almost be as much of a pain in the backside as my clients. Over the years I have come to realise that most people who work in drug and alcohol work have big personalities, characters and attitudes. As a result confrontation is a part of the work. We confront, argue and challenge each other as much as we do with the clients. Substance misuse work seems to take a certain type of person. I still believe you can teach people the theories of drug and alcohol work, ways of working with people, and the technicalities and skills they need to know. What you can’t teach them is the character they need to cope with this sort of work. It takes a special sort of person, and the team I worked for was comprised of some amazingly talented and funny people. I will especially miss my colleague Jo, who started work a week after I did. We were both very green and inexperienced and we made some monumental cock-ups over the years, but I learnt a lot of medical stuff from her as a nurse, and I know that she learnt a lot from me with regard to social care and intervention. I will also miss my colleague Nuala. Quite simply a brilliant alcohol nurse who totally knew her stuff.

Working with doctors always brings real challenges. They are difficult at times, but you just have to learn how to handle them!!! It’s nearly always possible to get them to do what you want if they think it is their idea in the first place!!! I had the pleasure and privilege of working with Professor Fabrizio Schifano. A brilliant consultant psychiatrist who not only knew his stuff, but was incredibly personable. One of the things I am most sad about it that the team is gradually being eroded by poor management and the recruitment of practitioners with no background of either social work or nursing. The services are much poorer for this and the lack of experience is evident when dealing with complex cases.

I am sad, in so many ways, and yet I still feel like it is not quite real. Like I am going on holiday and I will come back to my job in a couple of weeks. The decision to move on is so clearly the right one, and yet I feel as though a huge chapter of my life is ending. I hope that I will be able to find another job in Yorkshire in which I will be able to be so fulfilled. I am excited, as well as being a bit anxious.

I owe an enormous debt of gratitude to my colleagues and clients. They have taught me so much and I will miss them.

I feel like I have been somewhat neglectful of this blog recently. Life has just been so incredibly busy and I am trying to pack up my flat a bit and get things a little more organised. The Mister came down this weekend and helped me out with this, mainly with moving some of the stuff I don’t need to a friends garage. It is amazing how much crap it is possible to shoehorn into a small space. Every single corner had crap in it! So far I have put 5 bin bags full of stuff into the bin and 5 bin bags to a charity stuff, and a pile of stuff on ebay. I think I am getting there though, but it is tiring, and boring!!

Other than packing this weekend The Mister and I went to the christening of one of my client’s daugther. It was such a pleasure to be able to share this experience with her and her family, and to see just how far she has come in her recovery. Moments like these are what make doing the job worthwhile. Seeing people retrieve their lives and make something out of themselves is undeniably pleasurable and so satisfying. I am so proud of her, as I am of all my clients who manage to pull themselves out of the disasters they have often made for themselves. Seeing her up there with her beautiful little girl, and her son with whom she has recently resumed contact, makes me so proud to have been part of her life. It makes work bearable, as well as making it hopeful.

Well things have been pretty busy in Doris-land. I have been up in Leeds because I had an interview in Northallerton. I didn’t get the job because, of all things, I messed up a Child Protection question. I guess in some ways it made things a little easier for me because I wasn’t sure I wanted the job anyway, and I wasn’t sure what I would have said if they offered it to me. However, the team manager gave me some very helpful feedback about the interview, and said that she would shortlist me again if I applied for another job.

I have also been looking around Harrogate and Leeds for places for us to live. We were considering buying up here, but trying to sell my flat and buy another place was all becoming a bit much, so I think we are going to try and rent in Leeds for a few months. At least it will give me a chance to move up here and get my head straight, as well as giving us a chance to decide where we want to live.

So, I am feeling a little better. A little more in control, and I guess we just have to take one thing at a time. So, we need to find somewhere to rent and I need to get my CV done so that I can put my application out to a few agencies. I think I might do temp work for a little while. The money is reasonable, and there would be no responsibilities other than turning up and getting on with my work.

Life is busy, but it is also good.

I have had a bit of a meltdown today. I think everything has just moved up a gear or two and I am feeling a bit stressed.

I applied for a job on Saturday, was informed yesterday that I have been shortlisted and have been offered an interview next Wednesday. This is all well and good but I am suddenly feeling a bit panicked that their timescales are going to be totally different to mine. There is absolutely no way that I can pack up my life and put my flat on the market and move to Yorkshire in one month. The enormity of the next few months kind of struck me today and I started feeling a bit sick.

I am convinced that I am making the right decision in moving north, but I am starting to think that this job might not be the right one for me if it puts pressure on me to move very soon. I think I need to have a bit more time to get my head around things. Not to mention the fact that they point blank told me that they wouldn’t consider offering me travel expenses for interview, let alone relocation expenses.

Maybe I just have an attack of the nerves. I know everything will be ok in the end, but it all seems to be happening very quickly!!! I am not that good with change, and there are a lot of changes in the offing!!!!

I have had a really difficult week. It seems that it has just been a load of little things piling up on me all at once and I am not coping terribly, terribly well.

Work has been really difficult. I know I have moaned in the past about the amount of paperwork that I am having to do, but it is now getting to ludicrous proportions. I had supervision with my boss on Monday and pretty much he went on and on about all the things I hadn’t done. Not to mention that I have a caseload of 35, half of which are child protection or pregnant, about another third of them are on drug treatment orders and I seem to spend most of my time at meetings. Not to mention that I have to produce prescriptions for all of them every week, keep my notes up to date and ensure that they get seen once a fortnight. Oh no. He only mentioned all the pissy statistics that I haven’t been doing. So, that was Monday morning and it set my week up badly.

I think I might be hormonal but I am not sure and when I get angry and frustrated I just cry. I have cried every day this week at work and last night I had a really vivid nightmare about my Mum dying and when I woke up I was literally sobbing. It was awful because in the half-wake-half-sleep-like-state I couldn’t work out what was real and what was the nightmare. So, today I has been horrid. I have cried numerous times and I am just feeling a bit wrung out.

Fortunately I am off to see The Mister tomorrow. I need hugs and I need lots of them.

I woke up this morning to several inches of snow. I had a pretty hairy drive back from Oop Norf yesterday and did wonder whether we might get a snow day. It is quite a relief to be honest as I feel absolutely shattered. I am sure I could get to work if I really put my mind to it, but I hate driving in the snow and as they have shut all schools and stated that non-essential travel should be avoided I think I will stay at home. I am not sure that I am convinced that work is essential. So, instead I shall do some work at home, and go out for a nice walk and take some photos.

Today I am working at home as it is my admin day. It is almost impossible to get my paperwork done in the office because people keep asking me to do things, so this year I have been given permission to work at home one day a week. Last week was a bit of a write-off because I did bugger all, but this week I seem to have got into the swing of things. I decided to set up my table with my lap-top and got all my paperwork out last night so that it was all ready and waiting for me when I got up this morning. I have managed to write up several assessments and do some letters, but I still have all my client notes to do. It is so deathly boring. No wonder the NHS is generally rubbish. All the workers are drowning under a sea of paperwork and requests for statistics.

So, far today I have eaten a yoghurt, a banana and an apple and I am still hungry. I will go to the gym later. The diet and exercise routine seems to have been a little slow in getting started this year, but we are getting there.

Also, I am waiting for the man to come and install Sky+ for me.  Very exciting indeed!

That’s all for now. A day in the life of Auntie Doris. Not very exciting is it?

I only have one day left at work. I am asbolutely knackered and I still have masses of work to do before I can clean my house, pack, go to London on Friday night for a carol service, drive to the airport on Saturday, catch a flight and go to sleep on the plane.

I wish I could click my fingers and have everything done. Either that or I need staff.

I hate the last couple of weeks before Christmas with an absolute passion. I have a serious amount of work to get through and I am feeling the pressure of not making much headway into it. Every time I look at my desk I keep wondering how I am going to get through it all.

Admittedly I have added pressure to myself by making a load of presents this year, but I have enjoyed it so much and it has given me a creative outlet. Also, I haven’t been to the gym in over a week and only managed to go swimming once in that time. I feel like I have put on weight and I feel like a gigantic blob. Not good in so many ways.

I know the end is in sight because I fly home a week on Saturday, but that feels like a long, long way off.